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Wayne Andersen

Self-Management: Taking Yourself Out of the Rapids

I’m very excited to share the second film in the consciousness series! In this video, I share three tools you can use right away to improve your self-management. So you can take control in any situation, no matter what the world throws at you, and create the outcome you want.

Video Transcript:

Self-management is all about bypassing the emotional area.

The whole idea is to get out of the drama triangle and refocus on here [gestures to head]. This is where all the good stuff happens, where the creative stuff happens. The ability to plot your future, create a future that’s full of joy and happiness. See, most of our relationships were in the drama triangle.
Somebody’s the victim, but there’s something happening to them. Somebody’s the villain, they’re blaming on. on Somebody which could be themselves or someone’s the hero. They got to come in and save the day. 95% of the world is in that loop, and once it starts, you get down in that loop, and we can’t get out of it. Self-management is all about breaking out of the drama triangle and moving to a place where you’re empowering yourself and the people around you to become the dominant force and organize their life around what matters most.

The first step, clearly is self-awareness. You cannot manage yourself. You cannot actually change unless you’re aware of what’s going on. Once we’ve made the decision to be self-aware and to focus on that, the next step, the exciting step, is self-management. As we start our journey on self-management, it’s important to know, how your brain works. It starts with the most primordial part of your brain, the oldest part. It’s called the reptilian brain, and it’s just reactive. Something’s hot withdraw so you don’t get burned. The second part is, what we call the Labrador brain. This is the emotional brain. This is the limbic brain. This is the brain that elicits emotions, that creates the energy for you to do the four F’s. You fight, you flight, you faint, or you freeze. And the most important part beyond the limbic brain is the human brain. It’s the brain that does all the great things. It builds the sky scrapers.

So let’s start off with talking about somebody that gets bypassed, where the emotional part of the brain
takes over, where they never really get up to the area where the magic can occur. Sitting there having that mental conversation, what we call in psychology, the cognitive emotive loop, where the thoughts are leading to emotions and the motions are leading to thoughts. We’re sitting there putting our self in that fright or flight state where our autonomic nervous system is stimulated in epinephrine and norepinephrine and cortisol, and those things are churning inside of you, and they’re hurting your body.
They’re also hurting your mind. And psychologically, the anxiety, the stress going on cascades these
chemicals throughout your system and ends up with a bad response. It’s like, when we’re in the river, we’re caught in those rocks. We can barely survive. We’re almost drowning.

We’re going to talk about three tools. The first one is really switching out negative thoughts with positive thoughts. This is really cool. And something it’s easy to apply, and I think you’ll be able to start using it
immediately. So, anytime something negative comes up, you want to stop, instead replace it with something positive. So let me give you a great example. Let’s say you’re stuck in traffic and you’re moving slow and you realize you’re going to be late. Well, we could get really upset or we can actually turn that into a positive. The world is happening in front of you and you have no control over. That really important to understand.

The second part is, what can I do right now that could have a positive outcome that could actually use
this time for something meaningful? You know, it could be that you just start doing some deep breathing and relax, kind of slow-down. Or you might think about when I get to my meeting, let me rehearse. So you can take and say, wow, this is actually a benefit, this time I can use. So, in essence, switching from negative to positive puts you in the situation, so now you control and have the outcome you want.

So the second tool I’m going to give you is called a mantra. So what’s a mantra? It’s simply a way of focusing your thoughts over one thought. You have a lot of stuff going on up there in multiple conversations. And what we’re doing is? Just basically putting it, so you are focusing on one. So let me give you an example of a mantra, one I use all the time. One of the things is when I’m talking to somebody and they’re on their phone and not paying attention, it’s kind of upsetting because what? Something else is more important than me? But some we don’t know, we see we make our stories up. That person may be having an important conversation with their child, something’s going on. They could be sick or need some help. So during that period I can start saying, I’m okay, I’m okay, I’m okay, and just repeat that over and over again in my mind. And what that does is, it settles your mind down. It doesn’t fully make it calm, but at least takes those huge where you’re starting to get upset, settles those ways down, calms those ways and allows you to get back in control. So in essence, it’s allowing you to control your thoughts during a situation that otherwise could trigger your emotions. It’s a great self-management tool.

The third one is different. This is the deep end of the pool. This is the one that’s really going to make the
difference over time. And in this one, you’re becoming the observer. We call it witness consciousness.
And you’re actually just going to sit back, pay attention to the thoughts that are happening and the feelings you have and realize, they’re not you. You’re simply observing them.

Witness consciousness. I’m the witness, inside I’m consciousness, I’m awareness. And everything else is
not me. That’s really important to understand because that’s where it all starts. So this is the one, we’re going to develop over time and you’re going to find that it can change everything. What we’re talking about here is? Becoming the observer of that. So you’re no longer your thoughts, you’re no longer your emotions, and you’re no longer anything that’s happened outside of you. Those things you have very little control of. This is where, we start focusing on you, the awareness inside, the consciousness you are, the self-awareness that you are, putting yourself in position to look at everything in an objective fashion, that it’s just stuff happening in front of you. It’s just stuff you see. It’s not you. So let me give you an example. If you’re in the river and you’re being thrown around, you’re trying to stay alive, you certainly can’t take the rocks out. So witness consciousness is about getting out of the river, pulling yourself out, sitting on the bank and looking at the rocks. See, if you look at the rocks and you can identify them, then you can make a difference.

So I know, what I’m talking about now? May seem foreign, may seem difficult, may seem confusing, and I know that. So your ego, your mind, the way you are, the story you’ve told yourself wants you to stay the same. It doesn’t want you to change. So we’re starting to get outside of your comfort zone, but that’s where all the growth occurs. Just understand, over time, it will become the most powerful thing, because all that stuff that went down there with pain and suffering that you concealed, will start bubbling up.
And when it comes up, it’s going to be painful, but it’s going to be the beginning of the end for that
concept. It’s where it’ll come up for the final time and lead you on your pathway to calmness, control, and
becoming the dominant force in your mind and in your life. So now you know, a little bit more about self-awareness and self-management.

I gave you three tools, which are very powerful tools that I’ve used, and I still work on them every day.
Let’s take this information. Let’s apply it to our daily life, because it’s all about practice. It’s about
consistency and persistency. It’s not going to happen overnight. You didn’t get to where you were overnight. And by the way, stop blaming yourself. It doesn’t really matter. Stop trying to give yourself a better path and say, only wish I had these tools. No, you have these tools right now, and your life is in front of you. Let’s go change that. Let’s work together and let’s let you become the dominant force in your own life.

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