In this session, we go through the different types of thoughts and their origin. There is always a reason why your mind creates one thought versus another.
Video Transcript
Dr. A: All right, well welcome everybody to our conscious leaders forum. I’m Dr. Wayne Andersen and I’ll be your guide today, your facilitator, and we’ll wait about a minute to give people time to populate the site and then we will get started. So hope all is well and for those of you down in South Florida, especially on the West Coast, our prayers and thoughts go out for you. I was in a, had Hurricane Isabel, back when I lived in Annapolis and had a bad storm surge, so I know what it’s like personally, and it doesn’t show up on TV like it does in life. So, all of you that are there, hopefully this forum will give you a little bit more, to help you calm yourself and take yourself through this real tragedy that’s occurred, and for the almost 100 people that died, of course our blessings are there for them.
So, with that I’d like to start today by saying I got a special treat for you and something we’ll talk about in a minute or two, but this conscious leadership forum is designed to really make it easier for you to focus on your mind and just like I talked about, what was going on in South Florida, life is going to get in the way. I mean, life is intrinsically unstable. We’re going to have things happen in our life and the ability to become self-aware and really learn about yourself and how you think, how you feel, and to be able to manage those things is so important. Not just for you, but all the people you love and are surrounded with, for your community, and for our mission to help people create Optimal Health and Wellbeing.
So, excited to be coming to you and I want to look at this resource that we have, drwayneandersen.com and my last name is “e, en.” All the forums, all the recordings we have here and I’m starting to populate this site with actually content that will help you on your journey to higher consciousness. So, what I’m going to do today, in just a moment, many of you are aware that I went to London a couple months ago and went into the studio, actually the same studio— it was kind of neat— that the Stones recorded “Sticky Fingers” in, and recorded a series of videos that are there to help attract people to this idea of starting to work on their mind. As well as some content that will help people start to understand is we really explore together and go on this journey to higher Consciousness. To be able to take control, be able to put our mind where we want, when we want, for as long as we want.
So, with that I’m going to turn this over to Chris and Chris is going to play— this is a preview of this video. It has not been released. It will be released in the coming weeks, but because you guys are here, I wanted especially to have you be the first that— you raised your hands and you’re working on your consciousness. I want you to be the first to see it. So, this is a pre-release. I hope you like it. Chris?
VIDEO: For most people they’re kind of sleepwalking through life. They’re letting life happen to them. They’re never really in control and you know when you can put your mind where you want, when you want for as long as you want, that opens up the freedom of truly living an incredible life.
Self-awareness is a wake-up call to the world. So when someone is not self-aware, they really aren’t aware of what’s going on around them and when that happens we have a tendency to go down into our subconscious and do things we later regret.
Ten thousand years ago when a sabertooth tiger was near you, you would run, it was critical for your survival. Well today, most of the things we have are perceived threats. Threats to our ego, threats to what people think about us.
So we have a stimulus, someone in a meeting says something to you and you think, “Whoa, they think I’m stupid,” and you react to it and all of a sudden everything going on around you is gone and you are so consumed with this thought and this feeling. It just enrages you and you’re likely to say something that really could be damaging to your career, to your family, to your relationships, so what we want to do is rather than having a stimulus immediately, have you respond from this emotional area which normally won’t serve you. Instead, engage the most powerful thing we have as human beings: our prefrontal cortex.
You’ll feel it. You’ll feel it inside, that icky sauce. It kinda happens, it may be a lump in your throat, or a feeling in your gut or a tightness in your heart or in your jaw. As soon as you sense that, Stop. Stop. Take some water, take a deep breath. If we do that, we now engage the beautiful part, this part of us, that really can make everything right and we now gain control.
You’re not a victim anymore. You’re actually in a position to take charge, take control. Just because the world’s been a certain way in the past doesn’t mean it has to be that way in the future and if you’re willing to become self-aware, to wake up, we can change everything together.
So, as we kind of get into this conversation, you and me, the part I really want to emphasize is you’re in control. You can become in control every aspect of your life. Psychology, psychotherapy, all that stuff is great, but nobody knows themselves the way you know.
So, I want to spend some time and talk about myself for a moment here because the journey to self-awareness has been a long one. When I was a kid I was always self-confident. I was passionate. I knew kind of what I wanted to do when I grew up, I wanted to be a doctor. Always had this ambition to be more and that was driven by my ego. So, I want to be really clear on that. That was a journey of myself wanting to be good, wanting to be the best, and it took me into college. In medical school I graduated first of my class. I was picked as the intern of the year. I went to the top program in critical care and decided to be a critical care physician because I wanted to help the whole person, and I loved it! I went out thinking I was equipped to take care of the world, helped a lot of people over time in the ICU, but the one thing that started weighing on me is I never got anybody healthy. I kept them from drowning. They were like, you know, bodies floating down the river. I’d pull them out and resuscitate them, put them back on dry land, and send them on their way, but I never really moved upstream to find the hole in the bridge where they were falling into the water, and I noticed it in my life.
The luster and the enthusiasm I had of going into work every day was starting to fade a little bit and it was more becoming a job. Medicine was changing, becoming more big business, just wasn’t right, and so I made a crazy decision. Decided to leave that and focus on moving upstream and helping people create health.
My wife was a gem. We had three-year-old and three-month-old kids, gosh it was tough. I mean you’d imagine taking young kids like that. So, Lori came with me. We went out to Oregon to start this new idea of creating health. We lived on credit cards for two years, made no money. I wasn’t a great businessman, but I had this idea and I stayed with it and even though, you know, I was writing credit card checks from one credit card to pay the interest on the other, just creative financing to get by. I was with my family, I was starting to bring joy back, we were traveling and enjoying ourselves, and though we didn’t have any money, we had ourselves. We were connected to the things I valued most, that’s where it started. I recognized I wanted to have that for others. I wanted to help people truly create better health and wellbeing in their lives.
So, why I’m telling you that is because I’ve taken a personal journey of development of awareness of self-management, self-growth, to give me the psychological flexibility, the emotional agility, the emotional literacy, to be able to— in any situation— look at the outcome I want for this mission and move it forward and once I realized that and started working on that, I realized that everything happening outside, all the thoughts I’m having, all the feelings I’m experiencing are not me. I’m the pure essence of this idea of creating Optimal Health and Wellbeing, and now I can help you too.
So, what I’d love to do is use the metaphor of a river. You know, up at the top of a river it’s calm. If you notice rivers going down through rocks, they create eddies and currents, and the rocks take this calmness that we’d love to have and it churns it up. So, that’s your stuff. Your stuff is actually the rocks. When we’re in that river and responding to it, we’re trying to keep our head above water, we’re just trying to get by. So, the first thing we want to do is move back, sit on the bank of that river, and observe those rocks, and then what we’re going to start doing is start taking those rocks out, concept by concept, one at a time. We’re aware of it and it no longer can have that effect on us.
Take a deep breath, re-center ourselves, let those feelings pass. Those negative feelings take about 90 seconds, and then they’re gone, and then this beautiful friend of yours, this brilliant mind that you have, the ability to really think, and rationalize, and choose the outcomes you want then becomes present.
It’s important to realize it’s not that difficult. The journey is simple. It’s brilliant and it will allow you over time to really focus on what matters most and it’s inside of us. It’s our consciousness. It’s our ability to sit back and look at all the things happening around us and maintain that calm because we know things are going to happen in our life, but if we can become the chief architect, designer, and thinker of our own lives, we can grab full power, full control. You determine the outcome. It’s possible and we can think for ourselves in a way that supports the things that are important to us. We now have all the things that really matter to provide, be great parents, great friends, great community members, and put us in a place that the world sorely needs.
Dr. A: Okay, so what’d you guys think? Hopefully you liked it. So that’ll be available for you in the coming weeks. We’re setting up for a launch on the drwayneandersen.com site, as well as on Facebook and we’ll be releasing it but hopefully it becomes something you can share with others to start to understand that in this crazy world we’re in right now, we can actually make a difference in our own health and we’re not dependent on the world around us. We actually can become the dominant force in our own life and you’ve heard me say these things over and over again. They’re so important and so powerful and most people just need to hear it more and more and start understanding they can change their life.
[00:12:17] So the forum is— we know real quickly, most of you have been on this before, is a place, meeting, or medium where ideas and views on consciousness can be shared. So today, I want to talk about thoughts. Where do they come from? And I think it’s really important because these are one of the things that are inside of us, that we have and where they come from. Do we have control of them? What do they mean? And then we’ll open it up for questions.
So, again conscious, to refresh everyone’s memory, it refers to the state of being aware of one’s surroundings, one’s thoughts and one’s feelings— you are not your thoughts, you’re not your feelings, and you’re not your surroundings. You are the person that is aware. You are pure consciousness and in that, in its purity, as you become aware and learn what these different components mean, you can take control and then again, I saw Amy wrote in there, “I want to be in control,” and you can be and it’s not that difficult.
It’s like going to the gym. You need to go to the mental gym and work on this, but once you become aware and understand, everything changes. You’ll have the flexibility to be able to handle almost anything that happens, like water on a duck’s back, and be able to control it. So again, just in review, consciousness— we’re aware we have our five senses, we’re aware of things outside of us. We actually bring that data through our senses into our brain and our thoughts, into our mind and then we can sense and be aware of these things.
Consciousness in the inside, basically, is our thoughts and our feelings. There’s things inside, we have inside our personal mind, and inside our mind, that we have that are not us, but we can become aware of them. So I’m going to talk about thoughts in two different ways. First, willful thoughts. This is the thoughts that we actually create ourselves and if you think about it, auditory. So right now I’d love all of you— just right now— inside say, “Hello” to yourself. Not outside, not, “Hello,” but inside. Let’s all do that. Actually, do it a few times. [pause] Okay, so as you listen to that you’re creating that thought, that auditory thought inside. You’re not hearing it here [gestures to ears], you’re hearing it inside. So, when you hear things outside they actually come in and they come into those same areas so you can willfully create thoughts inside auditory.
Let’s shift and let’s talk about visual. So, right now focus on, I don’t know, let’s focus on a bicycle, inside. So visualize a bicycle. All right, now get bigger, and visualize a car, and now visualize a huge semi truck. Isn’t that cool? You actually created those thoughts willfully in your mind and that’s important because we’re going to talk about why those thoughts are important. Those are willful thoughts that you create. So for instance, right now, if you wanted to describe what you have in your refrigerator, you wouldn’t be able to do it unless you actually created a picture visually of what you saw last time you were in your refrigerator and you’d be able to recollect most all of that, because you would create a visual thought.
We have a brilliant mind and we can create thoughts in this area [gestures to the top of head] and I showed in the video about your prefrontal cortex. This area up here that we have full control over and we’re able to generate and create, that’s how we build. I mean the Airbus 380, this five-story plane that gets off the ground, that was created by a team of engineers that had these creative thoughts, and those thoughts are critical for us and that’s how we start to take control. Once we master and we can use and create thoughts we can really move forward in all the areas of our life. It allows us to be creative.
Okay, so there’s other thoughts, automatic thoughts, these are thoughts that happen— you don’t know they’re happening they just suddenly happen. We’re going to talk more about those. These are the voices in our head that occur. They’re automatically generated. You didn’t know why it happened. It’s a voice in our head and we make up stories about it, we’ll make up a whole story, and we’ll do a couple examples here. They’re about self-concepts. So, in this slide [slide on screen shows examples], let’s just take a couple of them: in your car, you know, all of a sudden you’re driving along, you know you’re having a beautiful sunny— like it’s a beautiful day in Florida, and you’re driving down the road and all of a sudden you’ll go— comes out of nowhere— “Why did I have to say those things? Why did I say those things to that person?” And you’ll start having these thoughts. In the shower is typically, really good place for your mind, the voice of your head, to go crazy.
The mind is constantly creating thoughts and these are going [motions circles with hands]. Most of them, unfortunately, are negative. They’re things we dislike and they’re mostly destructive thoughts. They’re things that we are dealing with inside our mind that create these cognitive emotive loops that we think and we feel and we get ourselves all upset and worked up about it and we’re totally not present in the moment and that’s not a good thing. Presence in the moment, self-awareness is so important. We’re going to spend so much time working on that.
So, where do those thoughts come from? Well, they’re unfinished mental and emotional patterns. They’re actually things that we didn’t like or we loved and we clung to that. We actually suppressed and we didn’t let it go all the way through. So normally if you’re driving down the road, the white lines you never think about the white lines, you know, you basically you can’t remember the white lines, except for when you’re doing it because they mean nothing to you, but something that created mental disturbance or emotional disturbance inside of you we resist or we cling to it. We either love it or and we hold on to and obsess over it beyond when it happened, or we resist it.
So, with that, it’s all our stuff. It’s our stuff and our personal mind. That’s why we look to go back to the brilliant mind that allows us to create the things we want in our life. To take control of our life versus that stuff, which is our personal mind, our ego, anything that ever got stored in your mind because you resisted or clung to it. It’s trying to release all this stuff inside and we spend a tremendous amount of time rationalizing, trying to make the world a certain way because that way it makes us feel better and we’re at ease with our stuff. What we really want to do is get rid of our stuff and we’re going to spend a lot of time in the following weeks and months to come, really focusing on how we can do exercises and really work on that and I’m really excited about that.
So, let’s just use this as an example of what I’m talking about, so someone didn’t call, you’re waiting and expecting a call. Let’s say, 10 o’clock in the morning and they didn’t call and it’s now 10:15, and your mind is just racing, “Why didn’t they call?” You know, “Are they upset at me? Are they ignoring me? Are they interested in somebody else?” And we create this whole thing inside of us that just gets us really upset and then, why did that happen? Why is it making us so upset? Because, one or two things. It could be something that happened in your childhood, where someone didn’t call and then when they finally– you did get a hold of them, you were young, and they said, “Well I didn’t call you because I was mad at you,” their stuff was getting into your stuff. Something happened where we stored this. Something we didn’t like and so when someone doesn’t call it triggers that stuff and it actually puts us in position to be upset or from the clinging side! Let’s say someone didn’t call and what they did is, they ended up coming over and they bought you a wonderful surprise. A wonderful gift or something they made for you and you were really excited so now, when someone doesn’t call, basically you’re getting more excited, you think something good is going to happen and then when you find out, they come over and something didn’t happen. You’re disappointed.
So, understand that the stuff that’s coming up automatically in our mind is clinging to stuff we clung to or we resisted. That’s part of our store trauma. It’s stuff inside of us that bothers us and we’re going to learn a lot about how to get rid of it. So, I’m going to— today, I just want to give you this really, “aha moment” for you. There is always a reason why your mind creates one thought versus the other. So, when something happens, when you’re upset because someone didn’t call, it’s really good basically to figure out, “okay, what stuff did it touch?” and one of the things we’re going to be working on is allowing that stuff, to recognize it, and allow it to just pass through. It’ll pass through you in a couple minutes, but bottom line is, we need to identify it. That’s what self-awareness is about. That’s where the whole journey to be able to build consciousness and get rid of that stuff that takes you away from being in this incredible present moment that we all have master over. The moment that allows us to actually, really relationally, be there.
Think about the times when someone’s talking, it could be your, you know, my daughter Savannah’s staying with me. She’s getting ready to go back to Gainesville to teach, so she’s with me right now and I can tell you that the conversations we’ve had just over the last couple days have been incredible because I’m in a much higher level and I’m starting to teach her that. Erica, my other daughter, because of the hurricane, was with me for three days and the conversations we’re having are so profound because they’re learning what I’m teaching and we’re able to have deep conversations and I can really understand them, and some of the stuff that they have, we’re able to move forward with it.
[00:22:12] It’s so important. This work is so important to create really, mental well-being for yourself and for the people around you. In the coming months we’re going to start to unpack all of this. Don’t worry, I’m giving you a preview, I want you to start understanding the components. Hopefully now, you know where your thoughts come from, you either create them yourself or basically they come spontaneously based on stuff that’s happening, that’s stimulating your stuff, your unfinished mental models or concepts and things you have inside and that’s why we go sideways. The voice in your head is important for certain things. It’s important to visualize, “what do I need to get at the store?” Or “where do I— make sure I don’t forget my keys,” those are good things, you want to remember those, but there’s the whole bunch of automatic thoughts that we want to start addressing because what they do is they take you out of the present moment.
Hopefully this has been helpful in clarifying and then next time we’re going to talk about feelings and the components of emotions, and why the energetic part of that, and how it works. So that you start to have the building blocks to be able to move forward and us really make a difference together. So with that I’m going to stop sharing and we’re gonna go to work on answering some questions. So, Rach, we got any good questions? Or, questions? They’re all good!
Rachel: Yes, we do. Dawn, you’re at first. If you could come on camera and unmute yourself.
Dr. A: Hi, Dawn!
Dawn: Hi, Dr. A. Good to see you. I have a question, why does it seem to be so difficult— so easy— for us to revert back to old habits and so difficult to get that forward momentum going again?
Dr. A: Yeah, because it’s your comfort. You’re comfortable with it. They’re ingrained. You don’t have to think about them, you know, the brain builds habits through chunking. It takes different things we do, it chunks it, and puts it together through the basal ganglion so that we don’t have to think about it. If we had to think about everything, think about if you had— every time you got in a car it was like the first time you drove a car. Remember back, when you first learned how? And you had, maybe going with either an instructor or your parents and you’re getting out there and you have to learn to use the turn signal, the brake, moving over from the brake to the accelerator, there’s all the stuff that goes on. So, the brain naturally looks for the path of least resistance and when you start building new habits that’s the part why it’s so critical to do them every day.
That’s why the “LifeBook,” by the way, is so important, that we daily practice and we’re taking ownership because without that, without that repeated practice every day, what will happen is we will not move forward. We will go back to those habits. That’s why people, suddenly, they have the strong urge on January 1st to have a new habit, right? And they go about three weeks and it’s too hard to do it because their old way, they’ve been doing for so many years, and they go back to their old ways. So that’s why it’s so critical to have the support in place. It’s great to have a coach. It’s great to have, obviously, the Habits of Health system is critical because you have to have a process to be able to move forward and create good habits and well-being, and then of course the community. Just like today, your question is great, and everybody’s learning from that. When we’re together and we’re focusing on this, all the other stuff in the world goes away. We have the opportunity to sit here together and really focus on how we make the changes necessary, and then by working together, with like-minded people, it makes it easier. That’s why actually, you know, talking about accomplices versus friends. Accomplices want to pull you back in the pot because they don’t want to change. Change takes you out of your comfort zone and your friends are those that support you and so it’s critical to have all those things in place. [Dawn gestures thank you on screen]. You’re welcome. Thanks. Okay, who’s next?
Rachel: All right, next up we have Timmy. Timmy can you come off mute?
Dr. A: Hey, Timmy! How are you?
Timmy: Good. How you doing, Dr. A?
Timmy: Great buddy.
Timmy: You know, I just need to say, go Tigers. Beat Florida, you know?
Dr. A: [Laughs]. Yeah, good luck with that. Good luck with that.
Timmy: No, but my question is, you know, how do you bring up this type of conversation with people who may seem to have a fixed mindset? Where we’re talking about different thoughts, different stories, that may or may not be true serving their future self, and just kind of like getting to that conversation without bringing up their defense mechanism? So mainly, my question is, how do you personally, bring this up into conversation with your friends and acquaintances?
Dr. A: Yeah, that’s a great point, and you know, you just— so we all are clear on this, you can’t change someone else’s behavior. The only thing you can do is awaken them to the possibilities. So, I find the best way is by example. When you’re with them and some, you know, stuff’s gonna happen. The waitress doesn’t bring the check, the food was cold. I’m picking just a restaurant because it’s a pretty common interaction, and the way your friends interact— react to it and the way you react to it are going to be different and they’re going to start seeing a calmness in you. They’re going to be getting upset and see there’s a tendency in the world, because about 98 percent of people are in the drama triangle, is the emotional charge that you get when you’re pissed off, right? Or you’re just upset about it and you start talking. But when you don’t engage in that and they see how calm you are and then they start to feel their blood pressure go up. So, it’s best by example or ask questions. Ask questions that are curious questions, you know, we talk about being above the line, being open, curious and want to learn and grow. So your curiosity and being in wonder of understanding, what life’s like on their planet basically, rather than trying to change them.
Yeah, one thing I can tell you for sure, you will trigger them. You will trigger their stuff if you in any way are being critical, being the skeptic and any of those things, so the best way is to ask wonder questions. Ask questions that are curious questions and ask questions so that they start to see over time— but again, if you, and this is important for you, Timmy, is if you’re trying to change them, then you’re not focusing in your inner world. Your inner world is not changing them. It’s changing how you respond to them, okay? So that’s if you’re getting triggered by something they’re doing now that you know, like they’re going way below the line into the Drama Triangle and that’s upsetting you. It’s touching your stuff. So that’s the part, you know, the balance of that is don’t let it touch your stuff and just basically then ask questions and then if you’re not letting it touch yourself or trigger and you’re coming from the creative area and you want to basically be a good friend to them, then you’ll ask them questions and stay with it so that it doesn’t create a negative response.
Timmy: Yeah, and would you say, watching your football team lose is a good way to practice.
Dr. A: Well, so you have to understand this, is that I’m the eternal optimist. I’ve watched LSU go from being the national champions to being the dog in the conference. So, you know, when you say that, I know that you’re busting my chops and it’s okay, because my own inner journey with my football team is that I’m there for them, in thick and thin, and the good news is that with a new coach now they’re on their way to kicking your butt pretty much every year.
Timmy: No, I was talking about my Saints, but thank you and I appreciate it.
Dr. A: [Laughs] Well, that’s our own perspective. See I’m not into pro-football, so it’s again— and we’re having a little tongue-in-cheek here but, the things that are important to us we have to learn, you know, that in the whole scheme of things, know the planet’s been around for 14 billion years. We’ve been around for 30, 40, 50, 60, 70, 80 years and then we were gone. So, in the whole perspective of things what happens outside of this, I know if you’re waiting to block a field goal you might do this or go, “come on,” and we get all excited, but the reality is that the only thing we really have control over is right in here [gestures head] and the more we can enjoy it and, you know, go with the ups and downs of it— because yeah, the football is a— well I mean we get excited about it in the SEC especially, but what about in Europe, soccer? I mean football. They are— I mean they kill people over it. That’s how emotional they get! So yeah, we want to make sure the things that trigger us are great things we can use to practice emotional stability and agility and move forward. So.
Timmy: Thank you.
Dr. A: Cool man. Good luck this week. Okay, who else is next, Rach?
Rachel: All right, next up we have Carolyn. Carolyn, can you come on camera and unmute yourself?
Carolyn: There I am.
Dr. A: Hi, Carolyn. How are you? Great background!
Carolyn: Thank you. I stole that from another coach.
Dr. A: I love it.
Carolyn: So, thank you Dr. A. I have some— my so my question is, in the opening when we were playing the video, which by— it was just magnificent, but I noticed how emotional it gets for you. You know, when you speak of your wife. I visibly saw that emotion come up in you, and when it’s still so raw, like that, how do you dial it in? You know, and push through that? Because I hear the phrase, “Time heals all wounds,” and I don’t like that phrase, but is there some truth to it?
Dr. A: Well, yeah. Two things: first of all, great question and first I’ll address the first part of it which was myself. Yeah, I mean, you know, the loss of my wife is emotional and when I sense and feel it or I’m talking about it, I feel that emotion, and that is a beautiful thing. It’s not a bad thing. I just want to make sure that— life isn’t about being happy all the time. Life is fully understanding and expressing and feeling the thoughts and feelings we have. Just like, you know, why do some people love to watch love stories? Sad love stories? Why do people get on roller coasters? They want to be scared, right? They want to feel that feeling and to feel those feelings through.
[00:33:18] Now as far as time, what happens with time, is you continue. You have the times when there’s recollection or something will remind me of my wife and I’ll have a thought and I smile. There’s a smile. They’re wonderful things and even my girls will talk about something, maybe a habit that wasn’t so great and will laugh about it. But the— so what time does, is it takes the raw edge off it. When you’re psychologically traumatized and something— a bad magnitude happens. In the beginning you’re really numb and so you’re not able to process it. So, that’s what they mean by, “time heals.” It’s not that it heals it. It actually allows you time to process it and put it into perspective.
It’s just like the work we’re doing today and we’re talking about. Understanding thoughts, yeah, when I talk— just when I watch the video, I basically got emotional watching it, but that’s because, you know, it’s because I’m fully present and aware of what’s going on in my body. So that’s a good thing. That’s not a bad thing. See for— in fact, that’s the opposite. That is appreciation, that’s gratitude, and that’s acceptance. All three of those are critical when our stored trauma, the things that we couldn’t accept early on. We basically push them down inside us, they’re like coiled springs inside us, and they’re going to try to come up all the time and if you’re trying to, the voice in your head’s trying to make these stories up to keep them down, so you continue to repress them. They’re going to continue to come up.
So, you know, for instance, if— let’s say, I don’t know about your life, but let’s just say somebody had a painful divorce. They separated. As long as the spouse allows that person to bother him they are not divorced yet because the separation that occurs when you separate and you leave each other should be removable. It should be removable that now they don’t touch your stuff, right? The thing is, “I’ve decided in my life, moving forward,” or decided, hopefully mutually, and “we’re not together anymore, then you move on with your life. He would move on with his life,” and we don’t have those thoughts. We don’t sit there and dwell on that repressed, “Oh, when they did that to me,” and here’s the harder part: we have to stop trying to have a better past because things that happened in the past, in relationships, you know, this happens a lot, especially with females because basically you are wired different. Guys are wired differently than women. I mean, it’s just the way it is and I’m not saying that there’s a stereotype. Just saying in general because bottom line is, your response— I mean, I was in Africa just looking at basic, incredible, animals out in nature and just behaviors that are an innate part of our genetics, right?
So, if a woman has had a bad relationship with an abusive man or somebody that was not good to them, they have to learn to let that go because there are a lot of great guys out there. There’s a lot of really appreciative, and [crosstalk 00:36:30]
Carolyn: I’m married to one of them, just for the record [laughing].
Dr. A: Well, that’s what you want, right? And so, there’s a ton of them and it’s funny that from the past, we cannot let the past— we can learn from the past, but we can’t let the past basically govern our presence and certainly not interfere with our future. It’s one of the most important things of becoming aware, self-aware, self-managing, and learning the agility. So that— you’re right, it’s, you know, losing your spouse. I mean losing your spouse is a very traumatic thing, yet on the other hand, I have full appreciation for all the time I had with her and it’s a very glorious thing.
I don’t spend a moment of time being sad about it. I have emotions about it, but they’re good emotion. They’re great and my daughters are the same way. You know, obviously they’re younger and they’re more emotional from the standpoint, they haven’t experienced as much of life, but they’re learning. We talk about it, it’s not like we repress it and we don’t talk about— we talk about it all the time and it’s always laughing or you know, just the memory. The sweet memory of it. So, that’s how you deal with it.
Carolyn: Fantastic and thank you. Thank you so much because while it’s not a spouse for me, it is close family members and just that, you know, I think, like you said, the agility is where I’m at. I’m working on that because I am capable of it but sometimes I just get pulled right back down. So [crosstalk 00:37:59]
Dr. A: and by the way, Carolyn, don’t beat yourself up for it. Remember, our nature, our ten thousand year old program was to protect us against harm. Most of the harm now in the world we live in is, in here [gestures to mind]. It’s perceived threats, it’s perceived danger, it’s perceived dysfunction, and just like Timmy was asking, you may have family members that, you know, you have— the thing is, I had the same thing with my mom. We had, growing up, some differences of opinion and my relationship with her has gotten over the last 10 years because it used to be, we would be like this [places fists together], right? I stopped doing that and then, when she has nothing to push, and now our relationship is amazing. We have an amazing— and it was just me changing. So just like I said to Timmy, it’s us being the example, improving our consciousness, not getting triggered, being able to stay above the line to be open, curious and want to grow and we start to feel ourselves drifting. Being able to bring ourselves back up. It’s just the daily thing we can do in all aspects of our life and some things that are more traumatic, especially family, because you’re kind of stuck with things. You’re stuck with family, right? So, but the nice thing is you can actually help your family grow. So that’s pretty cool.
Carolyn: Very empowering. Thank you so much.
Dr. A: Welcome. Cool. All right, Rach, who’s next?
Rachel: All right next up we have Brian. Can you come on camera and unmute?
Dr. A: There’s my buddy! Hi Brian.
Brian: Hey Dr. A, how you doing?
Dr. A: Good. How’s married life?
Brian: It’s really good actually.
Dr. A: Got a big smile. I love to see you smile, man. What’s going on?
Brian: Yeah, thanks. Well, actually Carolyn kind of took my question. I’ve known you for over 20 years Dr. A and your grit, your persistence, I mean everything just amazes me. I mean, you know, kind of followed you around for a while.
Dr. A: You’ve Been a great partner by the way, great partner.
Brian: Yeah, I know. But look, I mean, I see you go through all the stuff and she was bringing up some of the stuff you know, if you lost your wife and everything, and you just keep on going. It’s like I was just gonna ask, you know, how you do that? You know, I’ve gone through stuff too, but most people they look at all the things that are going around in their life and they get diverted, you know, they get off track and you’ve always stayed on track and I know you’ve been so many times at a point where you could have easily gone the other direction. So, just asking you how you do that? How you stay on there, but I mean you kind of talked about it with Carolyn, but maybe go a little bit more into that.
Dr. A: Yeah. No, I mean, I’d love to. Thanks Brian, and you know, also, I’ve watched you just be an incredible partner you know, over those 20 years and always high integrity, always, always loyal, trusting, and a great partner. So that means a lot to me as well. So for me, it’s, you know, going back to the 14 billion years. Just to kind of put it in perspective. The universe, this whole thing, whatever it is and I’m not talking about it from a religious standpoint, I’m just talking about it from a reality standpoint. Is that this planet’s been here a long time and the chances— well first of all, 99.9999 percent of the universe is a void. There’s nothing in it. So, we live on this incredible blue, green planet. When you look at it from above where you know, today, I’m sitting here looking out at the ocean and I’m just appreciative, you know? I’m appreciative for the things that happen, that aren’t good, they’re you know, I had Lori for 25 years. What are the chances in the reality of the universe that that even happened?
So, I just think it’s so important for us to have this sense of just wonder. That we’re living in a place in time, stuff’s going to happen. Listen, you know, when I trained in critical care, I trained under the best guy in the world and he talked about two things: the sanctity of life and the quality of life and when we’re young, like for instance in the pediatrics, where you have a kid that gets injured really bad, you stay at the bedside. You’ll do everything to keep them alive because the sanctity of life is so important because their quality of life will be great, right? If you recover. When somebody was in their 80s and 90s and they basically had an accident or had a bowel obstruction or something and they’ve gotten really sick, we would look and say, “Okay, let’s do everything we can for a couple days to see if the body can respond.”
[00:42:51] When people used to say as well, you’re pulling a plug, no, we’re prolonging the dying process and so at that level if it’s their time to go, the quality of life isn’t going to be good, then we should let them go. It’s just nature’s natural process. So for me, my experience in life has always been, I’ve always been grateful. I’ve always been happy. I grew up in a very humble family and had the opportunity to fully take my time here on the planet and say, let me go use this time and become everything I can be, and no matter what’s thrown at me and you know, I’m getting emotional now, but what’s thrown at me, just like there’s all the stuff— you just lost your mom and that’s a tough thing. You had your mom all those years and but, you can look at it and see that your mom is being infused into the people around you. You know, you just got married, you have an amazing woman. Part of her is in your new wife, you know, all that stuff is happening for a reason and as long as we appreciate that, I mean we’re alive. You know? We’re alive and we have an opportunity to become everything we can be. So, anyway, thanks for getting me crying buddy.
Dr. A: Thanks, Dr. A. You’re awesome, man. Thanks.
Dr. A: All right. Okay, oh, that was a— that was a bro. That was a bro-fest right there [laughing].
Rachel: Yeah! [Laughing]. Next up we have Stacy. Can you come off mute?
Dr. A: Hey, Stacy. How are you doing? You’re muted. You’re muted. You’re muted, we can’t hear. You’re muted, we can’t hear.
Rachel: Stacy, you’re muted.
Stacey: You’re such a blessing doctor. I don’t know how I can go after that, but just let you know, you are so loved and we are so blessed to have you, and I am so grateful for this new mission that you’re going on. So, thanks again. I wanted to— the question is, how do you distinguish between your conscious thoughts and your intuition?
Dr. A: Wow. That’s a big, that’s a good one. Okay, so there’s instincts and there’s intuition. Intuition is the combination of your experience and your consciousness. It’s actually— so in that case— I never had that question, but now that’s a great question. So first of all, the most important thing is to be fully present because when you’re talking about intuition, we’re using our intuition usually to make a decision, right? Either decision or to fully understand the situation we’re in. So the first thing is the more you’re conscious, the more you’re fully taking the data in without responding to your stored trauma. In other words, you’re having a pure unfiltered experience, right? That’s the first part. The intuition is actually taking in your hippocampus, the stored memory of experiences you’ve had and feeling that overlaid, right? And part of it is also just your natural tendencies.
We have natural— you know, if we take a Labrador Retriever, I don’t care what Labrador Retriever, where it was trained, you throw a ball, it’s going to go get it, right? So, we also have innate tendencies. So, we have our innate tendencies, our underlying talents, we have our experiences, and then we have the present moment. So I think they’re— so your intuition, usually because what you’re doing is actually— and this is a very interesting thing that I’m exploring right now, there is no real subconscious. Our subconscious are the areas in our consciousness that we’re not dealing with. So we put them either things that are from the past and we don’t want to deal with them, so we put them down below the surface, and we bury them [crosstalk 00:46:52]
Stacey: Absolutely.
Dr. A: Right? So when you, this is a really important difference, so when you’re in a situation and you’re sensing something, are you sensing it from your personal mind? Which is your thoughts, your unfinished patterns and thoughts? Or is it coming from your experiential mind, right? So, I think that’s really important and most of the time in its pure state, if you’re fully present then it’ll come from your exponential mind, which is different.
Stacey: Right.
Dr. A: That makes sense?
Stacey: Absolutely and thank you so much. You know as we’re on this journey, learning the new, how to be more conscious, that’s what I was struggling with, so thank you. That clarified a lot.
Dr. A: Yeah and it’s really a matter of— so memory. Memory. It’s not the same thing as stored trauma. Memory is simply the ability to recollect, right? We use memory you know— like when we do math, right? We actually take it into thought and we create a configuration. We take stuff we’ve learned from the past, we put it in the prefrontal cortex and then we do the calculator stuff with it, right?
Stacey: Right.
Dr. A: Bottom line, stored trauma is stuff we’ve repressed and so we have a different experience with it. We’re experiencing altered reality. We actually change reality to be a certain way so we can either cope with it or or be with it. The surrounding world is not the issue. You know, if it— you could say, “Okay, I’ve got this house, I’m going to get a better house,” if you have an underlying issue of, you grew up in poverty or I— it doesn’t matter what it is, but, if you haven’t resolved the underlying issues then your new house will get tarnished, you know, something bad will happen and you’ll be in the same state. So, the work we really need to do is all inside but when we’re experiencing in the moment, our intuition is actually taking knowledge we have from our experience, or from our innate personality. We just have to be good at that, right?
Some people are introverts. Some people are extroverts, so we have this innate stuff that we know well and we can rely on that because we have experience that shows that it pans out. What we can’t do is use our stored trauma to make the reality because it won’t pan out and because it’s almost always in a negative or clinging. Clinging is like an obsession, right? There’s the other side, you know, where we, you know, “We went to this one vacation. We had such an incredible time that I can’t wait to go back there,” and you go back there, but you’re expecting something to happen because you’re clinging from that experience rather than just enjoying and letting it go [crosstalk 00:49:37].
Stacey: Be in the present.
Dr. A: Then you’ll go back and you won’t have a great time and you’ll be disappointed, right?
Stacey: Yeah, right. Thank you, thank you, so much Dr. A. Appreciate it.
Dr. A: You’re welcome. Okay, who else?
Rachel: All right. Next up we have, Mimi. Mimi, can you come on camera? There you are.
Dr. A: Hi Mimi! You’re also muted, for some reason. I don’t see your mute thing on, but I can’t hear you. Now you’re muted. Now you’re unmuted. Yeah, we can’t hear you! I wonder. I don’t know why. Can you hear, Rachel?
Rachel: No, I can’t.
Dr. A: And their mute is off actually, so it’s something else. So, you’re muted now. Now you’re unmuted, but something— why don’t you work on it and we’ll come back to you?
Rachel: Yeah, we’ll come back to you. Then, T.J., if you’ll come on camera and unmute yourself.
T.J.: Good morning.
Dr. A: Good morning. Now it looks like you’re having a beautiful morning!
T.J.: Oh my gosh, it’s gorgeous out here, and I just— I want to thank you for the thought of “habit stacking.” I love that. I’m out in nature, I’m getting sunshine, I got sunscreen on, I am also in the mental gym, and I’m getting my steps in, so thank you for teaching me that, Dr. A [crosstalk 00:51:01]
Dr. A: I love that.
T.J.: So, a big thing that— the question that I have, I just want to start with the fact that you, Optivia, has created such a passion within me to really become and as Optivia, I just I truly— as I hear you, it’s— you have created a better relationship with food, a better relationship with that exercise, a better relationship with emotions, a better relationship with mindset, a better relationship with feelings, it’s so powerful and I’m just in the middle of all of this, and I eat up the conscious leadership, and I love the LifeBook, Element, I believe it’s 23, the Habit of Health. So, with all of that said, what else can you give me? Where can I go? What other resources would you encourage us to tap into, in between our conscious leadership and with reading our LifeBook every day?
Dr. A: Yeah, those are great questions. There’s a couple of other things that you can consider. One is yoga and the other is meditation. There are some really good books on that. There’s a book, um, what’s the name of it? I have to think of the name of it. It’s a weight, I think it’s called “Awakening” by Sam. His first name is Sam. I read it years ago but it’s a really good overview. Let’s see if I have it here, yeah, Sam Harris “Waking Up”
T.J.: Oh, fabulous.
Dr. A: Yeah, that’s a good— it’s a good book.
T.J.: That’ll be my next.
Dr. A: And he’s got, you know, some of the things, I mean I don’t agree with everything he says, but I think there’s some really good, “Aha” moments there for you. So, it’s “Waking Up” by Sam Harris, but the one thing, the most important thing you’re doing, which I love, is becoming a practitioner. You know, I’m having Jim Defner is going to come to Sundance and talk to our top leaders for two days and we’re going to do this thing together and I spent a lot of time, I mentor with him and he’s a good dear friend and he’s a highly conscious individual and what I mean by that is every day, his life is full of the practice of consciousness and so what you’re doing getting outside being in that bright sun, catching some rays, having better relationships with food and exercise, all those things you’re doing are helping you become less distracted and more focused on the things that matter. The things you value most and when our relationship with the things that are most important to us are higher, it’s easier to do because we’re actually doing things that support what’s great for our body, for our mind, makes us feel good, we enjoy working with others, all those things are part of the practice and so what I love that I see you doing, T.J., is you’re out practicing.
[00:54:03] This is not— just to listen to, this is designed, and that’s why we do the interactive part here. This is a form for people to ask questions, so I can understand and you can ask questions and I can answer them really thinking about things like just when we were talking about, you know, in the last couple people, is that there’s so much we can learn about ourselves that’s so empowering for us. So, I love what I see you doing. That’s a great book to read as well, but the most important thing you’re doing is actually doing the doing, and becoming. You’re becoming [crosstalk 00:54:40].
T.J.: Becoming.
Dr. A: You see, I believe we’re on this planet for, hopefully a hundred years, maybe more if we can really do all the Habits of Health and ultra health, but we’re here for around 100 years in a plant that’s been around for 14 billion. I think the evolution of our soul for becoming everything we can be, it’s like what Brian was asking me. I’m absolutely convinced that the gratitude I have and the desire to leave an impact, not for my ego, but just to leave that my time here functionally helped others.
I mean it brings such joy to me. It’s selfish in that way, is that when we can help people and they say, “Thank you,” that just feels good. It feels good that you’re contributing to the good part of being a human on the planet, right? And working together and bringing back, you know, that’s why I talk about human transformational technology so much, is that we have so much technology that can serve us and certainly make life incredibly fantastic, but it also isolates ourselves as a fellow human from each other and that it’s in areas we know we need to work on. If we can work on ourselves, we can influence others so, thank you so much. Enjoy that beautiful blue sky. Where are you?
T.J.: Thank you so much. I live in Craigmont, Idaho. It’s up in the little panhandle. Where it’s just starting to— yeah and that’s a Thank you, to you too. You have created so much in our lives. My husband now is a full-time health coach. I’m a full-time health coach and it’ll make me cry. I cannot believe in the last seven years how much our lives have changed because you’ve come into our lives and helped us become who we want to and be able to make a difference in the world. Thank you.
Dr. A: Thank you, T.J. Awesome. Thanks. All right. Cool. All right, Rachel, we got time? We have what? We have six minutes. We have time for maybe one more.
Rachel: All right. Terrie, can you come? All right, there you are!
Terrie: I can. Hi, Dr. A
Dr. A: Hey, Terrie. How are you?
Terrie: I’m good. I’m good. A lot better than I ever was in the past so [crosstalk 00:56:43]
Dr. A: [unintelligible]<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<
Terrie: Oh, thanks. That’s my— that’s my Covid hair. So anyways, my question is about the “why.” The “why” is always having to change. It’s always having to be redeveloped so when I initially started your program, I was what most people would call morbidly obese. I’ve lost 173 pounds, so my “why,” was that initially; to get healthy for my family, to get healthy for my child. That I wanted to be here forever with, because I had a child older. How do we keep redeveloping? That “why.” It’s something that I struggle with now. I’m now a health coach, but trying to redevelop that “why” and keep that focus is a big struggle for me in my business and personal.
Dr. A: Okay, let’s talk about that. So, you said redevelop your “why.” You don’t have to do anything. You don’t. I just want to make sure you’re not obligated to do anything.
Terrie: No, I want to keep pushing forward, keep pushing forward in my health, keep pushing forward with my coaches, my clients, in my family, but I struggle with the mindset and as you were talking earlier, the negativity and the mindset that sort of turns us around.
Dr. A: Yeah, because I guess what I’m saying when I say you don’t have to do anything, this is a self-actuated journey, okay? You have to desire. Even the language you’re using, “I’m trying,” trying is the most demoralizing word in the English language. It means, “I’m kind of doing it, but I’m really not.” I’m pushing for it. You’re pushing for— you’re saying it’s a struggle, pushing for it, I actually am springing for it. I am basically in pursuit of everyday learning and becoming more, not for my ego, but just to have a better understanding of— you know, it’s almost like we have a sense of urgency that, you know, however long we have on the planet. I just am curious and want to grow, so I think it’s really going back to the childhood curiosity. Did you read the “15 Commitments of Conscious Leadership”?
Terrie: I have not. I’ve read both your LifeBook and your Habits of Health.
Dr. A: So, Jim Defner talks about a childlike wonder in that book, and he talks about being curious, and open. I think it’d be worthwhile. It’s a relatively inexpensive book but I find it is— I find it to be, as I mentioned, I know he’s the real deal because I work with him. We’re close friends and he is a highly conscious individual. So what he writes about in there is right on. It’s spot on and so, what I always go back to, and I think the best way of looking at it for you, Terrie, the thing you could do which I think would help the most is, you know, we have the trilogy and have actually broken that down into the seven components of our life which are embedded in the trilogy. I went really more into the mind parts, right? And the parts with our family, both our financial, our mental health, and there’s all seven of them, and we’ll get them up on the site. I’ll make sure they’re up there, but if you take those seven key areas and you ask yourself, in a scale of one to ten, where am I in those? And then find the things that you value the most.
So, in terms of your physical health, you know, what’s the thing you value the most? What, you know, it could be hanging out with your kids, your grandkids, you could be going for walks, it could be traveling, it could be going on a Safari, it doesn’t matter what it is, but find something that physically you do and then say, “okay, what do I need to do, to do that?” And then do the same thing in all those key areas and I’ll make sure it’s up on at drwayneandersen.com. We’ll make sure that the seven areas and how to kind of go through each one of them is available for you, because what if you value something highly, you don’t need a lot of motivation and that’s what it sounds like you’re dealing with.
You’re kind of stuck and so rather trying to psychologically force yourself through willpower to move forward, we want you to get excited about the things you really care about and then it’ll become much easier and what’s neat about what we do is in all the key areas, I mean like I know that within this model, in this profession that we’re in, gives me the opportunity to work on all of them. Need help on your physical, your mental, your financial, your social, your relational health. I mean all of them can be worked on. So, take those seven key areas, figure out what is really most important to you and then start and pick— go small. Don’t go trying to do huge things. Do small things and what you’ll see is through the Halo Effect is you’ll start changing your orientation from that negative bias to a positive because when you’re creating, when you can actually bring into your life the things that are most important, then you’ll want to do that and it doesn’t take a lot of motivation. So, I think that’ll be the part that can really move you forward. Does it make sense?
Terrie: Yes, it does thank you.
Dr. A: I love to see you smile. First time I’ve seen you smile, the whole time. I love it.
Terrie: Thanks.
Dr. A: You have what you need, and think about how you feel right now. You have hope, you have direction, I’ve given you some guidance, now go do it because if you don’t do it, then you’ll stay the same. You know, how you build and how you actually go do the work now. You set the direction, you lead from that future that you want in those key areas and then you actually start today, making decisions based on what you want to create.
Terrie: That makes sense. It does, thank you.
Dr. A: Okay, awesome. Well listen, we’re out of time. We’re at one o’clock. I like to start and stop on time. So, amazing questions. Hopefully, please, put in the chat, we’ll leave this open just for a couple minutes. Please put in your chat, if you— what your thoughts were on the video. I’d love to hear. Get your input on that and do you like them? How would you like to use them? Anything like that would be really helpful. So, we’ll leave this, we’ll leave this site open for like five minutes for you to write them but if you’ll talk about the video, any ideas you have, we’d love that feedback. So, with that, thank you guys, and let’s go out and basically increase our awareness, increase our effect on helping others become the dominant force in their own lives. God bless you guys. Bye.
