Fear is not your enemy. It’s your ally. The key is learning to recognize when fear is protecting you and when it’s holding you back. Learn more with session 53 of the Conscious Forum below.
Video Transcript:
Dr. A: Fear is something we all deal with in our lives, and something that, once we really understand it, can really be a doorway back to ourselves. Really getting ourselves in position so we can fully live our life. So for most of you, you’ve heard me say many, many times: organize your life around what matters most. And second, become the Dominant Force in your life. Becoming the Dominant Force in your life is what psychologists talk about: taking the locus of control and taking it back to yourself. In other words, taking responsibility. So critical that we do that because if we’re focused on if the world is a certain way or something happens that way, I’ll be okay. That’s never going to happen because basically the world does what the world does, and all the events and things that happen in our life happened because the world is just operating on automatic, and our specific agenda in life won’t match that.
Life is intrinsically unstable. Things are going to happen in our life that can cause angst. What we need to do is learn how to build that psychological flexibility so we can lead through those. And one of the key areas is fear. You know, fear, basically, just so everybody understands, is a basic human experience. And it’s not just the physical danger. You know, survival was all about that, and 10,000, 100,000 years ago, basically our physical risk, because of nature and all the things that could happen to us was really really important, but there’s the other side of fear, the part of fear that faces our decisions, our relationships, our dreams, our identity, my hope is that we’ll leave today no longer looking at fear as an enemy but something you can understand and work with and ultimately move beyond.
So what would your life look like if fear no longer made your decisions? I’d love you to reflect on that and think about it. You know, one dream, one conversation or opportunity that you postponed because of fear. And I want you to hold on to that thought throughout this presentation and possibly reflect on it. Maybe you could bring it up to me once we finish the presentation, and we can talk more about it. But I just think it’s so important that we understand and realize that the security part of fear, and we’re going to dissect that down between what protects us and the part of fear where we can grow and become more.
So with that, understand: fear kept our ancestors alive. Survival wasn’t optional. It’s one of our greatest survival technologies. We survived because it sharpened our senses and prepared us to act. The problem today is that most fear is still happening because our ancient biology is responding to a very different world. The world we live in today is mostly perceived threats. It’s not real threats. The sabre-toothed tigers are well gone. In fact, things have become relatively so safe that many of the instinctual things we needed – for instance, in your car, you know, having the sense to react quickly to something that could potentially cause a car accident was really important. And it was important for you to keep from getting really hurt or even killed. Now, with airbags, with front air collision notifications, automatic stop brakes, we’re actually taking— even for things that were essential for our survival and to keep us healthy are now being instrumented and changed by technology.
So understand that the fear that we’re talking about, the fear that I’m talking about today, is a fear that is not about protection. But let’s basically go to that for a minute. You know, our predators have changed. Our nervous system didn’t. And I’m going to use an example of myself. You know, if I think about, and look back, I was well ensconced in critical care. I was the chairman of my department. I lived in a beautiful home that we designed and built. My kids were three months and three years old. My wife worked with me. We had a relatively really, really great life from the standpoint of all the conveniences. We were making a great income, but the reality was, I wasn’t happy. And I was at the point where I was getting more and more frustrated. I wasn’t getting a chance to see my kids. We were sending them both to daycare. I was starting to get more frustrated because I was putting Band-Aids on things and reacting to disease, and truly wanted to help people get healthy. So it was a little scary. I mean, we left everything. We left everything behind and moved out to Portland, Oregon. Lived on credit cards for two years and actually had to write checks from one credit card to the other just to pay the interest.
But the reality was, even though that was scary, the step I took changed everything. I had time to be with my family. I was in the creative mode. I knew that what we were doing could make a big difference in helping people change their lives. And as a result of that, I worked through it. And the end result is why we’re here today. And what I can tell you is one of the most important decisions. If you looked at it rationally, completely like, well, should I leave what I’m doing, the security of all that, and go? The answer is no. But the reality is inside, the desire for more, the desire to grow overcame the fear. And so as I talk to you today, I’m talking to you from experience. I’m not talking from an ivory tower. But basically, our predators have changed, but our biology didn’t change. So our nervous system is the same.
So there are two kinds of fear. The first is protective fear. It alerts us to real danger, keeps us safe, helps us survive. That’s our ally. It’s designed to protect us. But the other side is limiting fear. It alerts us to imagine dangers, perceive threats. It keeps us small. It keeps us stuck. This is our barrier. It’s designed to control us. Our freedom begins when we learn the difference. So basically, going from survival on one side to the end point of where we want to talk about today, which is your freedom. It’s free to be able to do the things that you want to do in your life and not allow the fear to creep in and keep you stuck. So many people tell me, “I’m stuck.” And they’re usually stuck because they’re in their comfort zone. And as you start to move out from your comfort zone into something that is an unknown, the normal tendency is to retract, to go back because it’s comfortable for us. And basically, fear creeps in and keeps us paralyzed. So, think of it this way. Fear really has two roles. First, to protect you from real danger. It alerts you. It keeps you alive. But every fear asks one question. Am I being protected or am I being invited to grow? So the other side of fear helps you grow. If it’s imagined danger, it’s alerting you to something that might keep you from moving forward to what you really want in life. Like, I’m working right now with a dear friend of mine that works for someone else, and basically that job has been frustrating, and they haven’t been able to be their own person. But you know, there’s a little bit of the fear that comes in, and it keeps them small because they’re not willing to reach out and do the things that are necessary.
So it’s really important, and I think that question is one that you should ask yourself every day, and we’re going to talk a little bit about how to stop, challenge, and choose, which you know I’ve been teaching for over 20 years now, but how does that help you invite you to grow? So let’s spend a moment on that. Every fear is a fork in the road, and you have to look at that fork in the road. Should I take the protected road, because this is protecting me against danger — real danger — or is this a chance for me to grow? If it’s protecting you, it’s trying to keep you safe. Listen to it. Act with wisdom. But if it’s limiting you, it’s trying to keep you small. Thank it. Thank it for being there. And then take a brave step forward. That first step, that’s what starts to build the confidence. Courage comes as a result of making those steps, and the confidence comes as a result of doing those things.
The quality of your life depends on the choices you make at these forks. So we don’t get rid of fear; we build a relationship with it. Fear becomes our ally. It teaches us what matters. It keeps us honest. It helps us grow. The goal isn’t a fearless life. It’s a conscious life. It’s being able to take those moments and literally get to the point where you actually are not your fear. You know, think of it this way. I showed this beautiful drawing of the sky with clouds in it. Fear is just the weather. You’re the sky. You’re this large vessel that holds everything that’s important to you. And fear are just these things that come by. They come by, and then basically they leave. So you’re the observer. So kind of think of it that way. It’s a powerful truth. You can notice fear. That doesn’t mean you are not fear. Fear comes and goes. The observer remains. From this place, you have a choice.
When you live as an observer, you stop reacting, and you start navigating. You’re starting to become the chief navigator of the dominant force in your own life. And awareness creates that choice. You can’t choose until you become aware. You know, I talk about Stop. Challenge. Choose., but you first have to become aware. Awareness is the doorway to every meaningful change that occurs in your life. You have a choice. Every moment is a fork in the road. You can either react and basically stay the same; automatic keeps you in fear, or you can respond. You can become conscious, aware, and that moves you forward. Choose consciously and live deliberately. Fear is information. It’s not identity. Information tells you something. Identity tells you who you are. Use fear as data. Don’t let it define you. People say to me all the time, “Oh, that’s just who I am. That’s my personality. I’d rather stay home and be a homebody than go out and adventure.” That’s not who you are. That is simply a motus that you’re living by because you let fear of the unknown–because it’s not as comfortable–come in and become your pattern. And those patterns keep you stuck. They keep you from becoming as healthy as you can be. They keep you from becoming as inventive, growing, learning, being curious, open and wanting to grow as a person.
All those things happen because fear creates discomfort, and that discomfort keeps you stuck. So you want to choose consciously. Your awareness creates your choice. Aware; see the situation. That’s when you “Stop.” “Challenge” — think with clarity, and then “Choose” — respond with intention. Choose consciously and live intentionally. In other words, change the story your fear is telling. Then consciously choose the response that aligns with your values, the things that are most important to you. And I always tell people, organize your life around what matters most because those are the things you truly value the highest. When you value something a lot, it doesn’t take a lot of motivation because it’s important. And I always use the story: if you’re a mom and you’re in a 50-story hotel and your kids are on the other side of the suite and a fire breaks out in the middle and you can’t get to them through the suite itself, you would go out on the ledge at 50 stories high, and you would go across to save them. Why? That doesn’t take a lot of motivation because it’s something you value tremendously.
[00:11:40] So find the things that are important to you and then move forward. Make them happen. Becoming stuck, reactive to the things that you’re in, simply keeps you in the same place. You get more and more frustrated, but you never really get to the point you want. So that’s where you need to become aware, see the situation clearly. Challenge. Think with clarity, and then respond and initiate the things that are important. And that’s what I did. I left, and I actually had some of the physicians come out to Oregon, and we were making no money, and tried to get me to come back. And then they saw how much I was in love with my new life, the freedom it gave me to be with my kids and my wife, how we were traveling and enjoying and how they could see the smile on my face because I was helping people get healthy versus reacting to disease and they go, “You’re not coming back.” And the answer was clearly no. And we still were financially not in good shape. But my point is, find the things that you really value and use those to guide you forward in your life.
When we do that— because courage isn’t the absence of fear. It is moving forward anyway despite the fear. So understand, freedom is a choice. Not every moment, but every moment offers it. See it, choose it, live it. You’re the navigator of your life. Navigate well because you only get one shot around. Courage is a daily practice. Every small step builds a freer life. Small little things that you do: stepping out of something you wouldn’t normally do, talking to that person that you could help. Basically, spending a little time saying, “Hey, I think you’re really becoming a good coach.” You know, being there for your kids. Being able to reach out and do the things that are necessary. Don’t be agreeable with everybody. Basically, acknowledge what someone says; it doesn’t mean you have to agree with what they say. Reach out and do the things that are important because every one of those steps helps build your life.
So in conclusion, live courageously. In essence, fear will always visit, but it never has to become your home. Your life is waiting on the other side of fear. I’d love to hear now some thoughts, reflections, and questions that you might have, but live courageously. As you can see, I’m actually on my boat, and I remember the first time I went across the ocean. Never done it before. There was some nervousness, but I did it anyway. And then the next month, out there cruising around the islands was one of the most memorable in my life. But if I hadn’t made that first step and said, you know what? You’ve got to go do it, and I’m not saying that that’s what makes you courageous or makes you what you want in your life, but find the things that matter and then make them a reality. So, all right.
Rachel: All right. First up, we have Mary. Mary, can you unmute yourself? There you are.
Dr. A: Hello?
Mary: Good morning, Dr. Andersen. How are you? Such a delight to be here this morning. I am great. How are you?
Dr. A: I’m great.
Mary: Good. Good. Good. Good. We’re all great. So my question kind of has to do with Rip Van Winkle in a way. I’m in here, my life on the outside has disappeared. And when I come out, I want to overcome the worry that I have that I’m not the same person. I am completely different. I’m 209lbs lighter. People have forgotten me, some of them. And I’m just worried about when I have to find a new home. I have to get a new car. I have to start all over again and I’m excited to start life again, but I’m also afraid and the things that you’ve said already are very helpful. But I just wondered if you had any further comments because this is a weird situation.
Dr. A: No, no, I understand, and you know, you have a lot of stuff that’s changing and with that change— but it again, looking at it from the excitement of what it can do for you. You said get a new car and find a new place to live. All those things can be exciting. They’re a little challenging, but they’re part of your— some of those things are on the side of fear of protection and some of them are on the side of, what am I worrying about and is it important that I worry about it? So you just have to separate those, and in your case, situationally, yeah, you have things going on that are dramatic changes occurring in your life, and some of those things are going to make you nervous, and that’s okay. Fear is your ally. It’s there to help you be cautious. On the place you get, can you afford it? Is it safe? Is it a place that you can function properly in? So fear is not a bad or a good thing. It’s simply understanding how to observe it and manage it. So, I think you’ve got the right attitude, and I think you’ll do great, Mary.
Mary: Okay. Thank you.
Dr. A: You’re so welcome. Okay, Rach. Who else we got?
Rachel: All right. Next up, we have Tava. Did I say that right? Oh, you just need to unmute yourself.
Teva: Sorry! It’s Teva. [crosstalk 00:16:57]. Hi, Dr. A., I think I’ve shared once before when I had a brain tumor last November and it was removed successfully, and I’ve been, you know, great since, other than a recent carpal tunnel surgery. Yay, I know. Anyway, this is a total left field, kind of unrelated to everything trilogy and whatever, but it’s impacting my life. And I’m Jewish, right? And this is not a good time in the world and in history to be a Jew right now. I live in New York, and social media is flooded with anti-semitism, misinformation. Just it’s… It’s bad. And people are getting stabbed, places, synagogues, are being burned, businesses are being burned, you know, kosher businesses. And I’m someone who, you know, I’ve been sober since 1989. I’m really good at turning things over, letting things go, using the Serenity Prayer. Like, really, I practice that daily.
And I don’t worry about things. I didn’t worry about surgery. I just said, “I’m going to go through it. There’s no reason to project about it. Either it’s going to be positive or it’s not. I’ll find out when it happens.” Like, I just don’t waste my energy in life just walking usually and worrying about stuff. And I have been walking in fear, you know, for myself, for, you know, my tribe, for people in Israel, for the state of Israel. And it’s a real fear. And I wonder if this is what, like, you know, people living in Europe felt like in the 30s, you know, and early 40s. And I don’t know what to do about it. I want to stay off social media, but I feel an obligation, like to be a voice of, you know, like to try to educate people and defend people. And I know I can’t fix the problem, but I feel like I can’t just ignore it. And it’s really… it’s really doing a number on me. So, I don’t know what to do.
Dr. A: Yeah. No, I understand. And so, I think it’s really good if you think about it in terms of protection versus growth, right? So from the protection side, yeah, you need to be cautious. I mean the world is an unsettled place and it goes through cycles and right now, unfortunately, it’s in one of those cycles. So those things are real. First of all, congratulations on full recovery from your brain tumor. I mean, that’s awesome.
Teva: Thank you. Thank you.
Dr. A: That’s really cool. So I really like what you said. I really like what you said about the serenity prayer. We really have to understand, you know, the difference between what we can and what we can’t change. In an existential point of view. Yeah, you’d like to help change the world. I mean, that’s what I’m trying to do. I’m not trying. What I am doing is helping people become the Dominant Force in your life and, over time, hopefully eradicate, because most of those things with prejudice and everything happening are fear. They’re fear-based prejudices and they’re just basically, unfortunately, the human brain has a tendency to create prejudice for familiarity. It makes it easier for it to cope. Not that it’s right or wrong, because it isn’t. But that’s just the unfortunate way the world is.
So what’s important for you, though, is for you to be able to take care of yourself and your family, you have to focus again on the Serenity Prayer. What can I do to change, and what can I change? Right? So first of all, making sure your family’s safe; you’re safe. That is a benefit of caution or fear. On the other side, for you to ruminate about it and spend time thinking about it is totally unhealthy. That’s all cost and no benefit for you. So you’ve got to discipline yourself to know the difference. Okay? You can work within your community, you can work within individuals, you can work — if you’re part of a society or something that’s bigger, contribute to that. But you want to make sure that you’re not unintentionally putting yourself in harm’s way, right? Because bottom line is that’s not helpful to you, and it’s not help— and especially since your body is still readjusting to getting healthy again, it’s important. Rumination, cognitive-emotional dysfunction, where you’re thinking these thoughts and then feeling that way, it becomes cyclical, becomes very unhealthy, and it can make you very sick.
[00:21:28] So the difference is the psychological flexibility. Knowing that there are a lot of good people out there, as well as bad people, and just understanding that you control what you can and then for yourself making sure you’re getting a good night’s sleep, making sure that you’re limiting your amount— you know, one of the things, unfortunately, is the world view, in terms of media isn’t like it used to be when you were kids growing up. There was Huntley-Brinkley and Walter Cronkite, and there was objective reporting. Right? Now it’s all emotionally based sensationalism, and so the media in itself is a great contributor to angst, to worry, dysfunction, and so one of the things I would highly suggest is: garbage in. Garbage out. Eliminate that as much as you can and use factual sources. Right? I know when I was in Europe, and my daughter was delivering, I watched the BBC, right? Which seems… it just seems to be a little more objective than at least in some of ours. Not that it is or isn’t. I’m not advocating using that. But my point is, find a source that you believe is reliable to keep yourself informed, because I know that’s important to you.
But also eliminate all the rest because hatred begets hatred. And the bottom line is the creative process of health, which is what we’re about, is about creating an environment for yourself, organizing your life around what matters most to you, clearly taking care of your family and friends, and putting yourself in position where you could be an advocate to help. And hopefully over time, as you become healthy and you’re learning more of these skill sets, you can help us change the dynamics and the culture that currently is propagating in this country. But know what you can and what you can’t do. Does that make sense?
Teva: It does. Thank you. Thank you.
Dr. A: You’re welcome. All right. Good luck to you and congratulations again. Okay, who else do we got?
Rachel: All right, next up we have April.
Dr. A: April!
Rachel: Unmute yourself. There you are. You’ll just have to unmute yourself [00:23:41].
April: Okay. So, I know you’ve basically been saying this all along, but just very specific — can fear actually be rewired in the brain? And if so, how long does that typically take?
Dr. A: The answer is no. The limbic area in your brain is a limbic area in your brain. It’s designed specifically to protect you. It’s one of the, you know, as we evolved as a species, survival was a key element. We’re not necessarily the quickest. We’re not the strongest. We needed to basically build a prefrontal cortex in order to learn things like building tools, strategies, wisdom, the cognitive abilities to kind of outthink our adversaries. But the limbic area in your brain is the limbic area in your brain, and the amygdala is designed— it’s a neural tripwire that’s designed to create caution. It’s like a red flag that comes up, and when your body has that “icky sauce,” my point is managing it, knowing the difference, knowing there’s two types of fear. One is protective and the other basically is one that’s not protective. It’s limiting. So understanding the difference between those two, working on the limiting side, building in that malleability so you have the psychological flexibility, just like the last lady we were talking to.
There’s things that are real, that are on the protective side that she has to be cautionary about, and they’re just the reality of where we are in the world right now. And those things, it’s necessary to have that area. But on the other side is to self-perpetuate these negative feedback loops of fear, basically paralyzes you and it keeps you in a stuck state and it hurts you. You’re just, because one of the things we’re talking about is metabolic health. The three things that cause insulin resistance: one is insulin, which is because of the food we eat — all the sugar. Second is inflammation, right? Which is our gut health. And then the third basically is stress. Stress raises your insulin, and so insulin resistance, the progression to diabetes, cardiovascular disease, cancers, cognitive decline are all related to progressive metabolic dysfunction from insulin resistance. Okay. So being able to manage the fear side that comes, that’s limited, and allow it to not keep you from growing is the part that you want to focus on. Does that make sense?
April: Yes. Thank you so much.
Dr. A: So, welcome. Okay.
Rachel: All right. Next up, we have Ali.
Dr. A: Hey, Ali You look great. I can’t hear you, though.
Ali: Hi! Hi. How are you?
Dr. A: Good. How are you?
Ali: I feel great.
Dr. A: Good.
Ali: So, it’s so interesting to me, listening to people who really sit in and feel their fear. And I am someone who does not sit in and feel my fear. And I chase it. And I know we talk a lot about journaling, and our “Why,” and all that kind of stuff, but I know I’m not alone. So, what are your tips for someone who really doesn’t even want to sit in it? That’s what the whole struggle is about, right?
Dr. A: Yeah. Well, that is— and the thing is —remember when I was talking in the talk about the observer? You have to be the observer. And if you’re not fearful, is it because you’re deeply resisting it and are you pushing it down or are you really not fearful? Right? So the identification is the first part. And someone that’s strong like you are, been very successful in business, someone that really stands out and you’ve got your mind wellhoned, you have to ask yourself, am I suppressing? Am I repressing? Am I literally taking something and getting it out of the way and not feeling it and fully live it? Because emotions are something that need to be felt all the way through. Anytime you suppress them and push them down, they’re kind of like coiled springs and they’re down there and then what they’ll do, they’ll come up in the most unusual way. You know, I always use the example of a couple go out to dinner, they finish dinner, they’ve had a lovely dinner, they’re walking back to their car and a yellow Mustang goes by and all of a sudden the guy goes silent and all of a sudden he’s not talking all the way home, he’s not talking. His wife’s going, “What’s wrong?” And he doesn’t really even know. But the reality is when he was in high school, his girlfriend had a yellow Mustang and she broke up, dumped him. And so now he has that repressed feeling in there. And so it’s about becoming open, curious, and want to grow, Ali. When one of those things happen, your body will tell you there’s something wrong. And even though your mind’s saying, “No, I’m cool. I’m not scared.” Your mind is saying there’s something wrong. And it’ll come in your gut, clench, clench jaw, throat, squeezing in the throat, pressure in your chest, a weird feeling in your gut.
[00:28:42] And when you feel those, you need to, “Stop,” again, become aware of it, “Challenge,” why am I feeling this? What am I feeling? And then move all the way through it and feel it all the way through. Because every time you don’t resist or suppress and you actually acknowledge and accept and allow it to flow through you, that’s one more step in the catharsis that’ll start getting rid of those things that are keeping those repeated patterns. And unfortunately, sometimes when we’re really strong and you’ve done a great job, your whole life of protecting yourself against that, you put yourself in position where now you basically think, “Oh, I got it all figured out.” But the reality is that physically— that’s why I say journal, because your journal will say something very different. No, I’m not all right. I need to grow. I need to move beyond this. Does that make sense?
Ali: It does. It does. And it’s a lifelong practice and I just admire you so much for your presence and always following what you have to say. So, you know, I’m getting there. So, thank you.
Dr. A: No. And just understand the mental gym, you know, we we talk so much, you know, and coming from, as from a physician standpoint, it used to be, you know, exercise and nutrition are certainly all important, but nothing comes close to really going to the mental gym and become this great observer and be curious about everything that goes on, every sensation you have during the day. Question, okay, why am I feeling it? What am I feeling? And then a lot— not suppressing it, but identification is it, you know, there’s only, really, joy, fear — basically there’s only four or five key emotions, everything is a subset of that. Figure out what it is. And it’ll tell you, fear is a great— the reason why I wanted to talk about fear… fear is a great growth tool. It helps you. It’s a doorway back to yourself because it’s these things that are deeply set, maybe from, you know, until we were about 5 years old, we were not able to use our prefrontal cortex. We were very emotional. That’s why we would cry. We were in survival mode. And so we didn’t have the ability— when our parents said, “You’re stupid.” We thought that’s what we were. We were stupid, you know. And now, obviously, in parenting we’d tell parents not to say that stuff anymore.
But I remember being told that, and the thing is you believe it. Oh, I’m stupid. Right? And then you spend the rest of your life in this ideal belief-reality of trying to prove that you’re not stupid, right? Including like, you know, you can become part of the National Honor Society and you could even win the Nobel Prize and all those things are evidence that you’re not stupid. But as long as you have that conflict and you don’t realize, hey, I think I’m stupid. And as soon as you realize that, all this pressure goes away. that works for every emotion, every built-in neurological emotional energy. It’s all energy that we have stored inside of us. And it triggers these areas. And until we really become— it’s like putting on your goggles and your lab coat and saying, you know what, I’m going to really explore, why do I have these patterns?
And again this is not— you know, this is me in the conscious forum, just basically talking general, but the thing is, I’m not a psychotherapist and my goal is not to cure you or to heal you. My goal is to have you become curious and aware, and you know, people, psychotherapists are a great tool. They’re just like when you go to an endocrinologist if you have diabetes. You know, if you’re doing medicine, you specifically, but for everybody that’s listening, if someone has this reoccurring thing that’s bothering them and they’re not able to manage it, then basically they should go get professional help. I will say one thing about three progressive things you can do to kind of stop this in here and become more present.
The first is switch. You switch. If you’re feeling a negative emotion or negative thought process, you can substitute something positive for it, right? So, let’s just say you’re behind. You know, I live on an island in Florida, and A1A, and it’s 35 miles an hour for a large portion and it’s a double line, so I can’t cross. And so there’s times when there’s elderly or people that just drive slow, and they’re going 25 in the 35 and I can’t go around them. So I can either progressively get more upset and more like, why don’t they get out of the way? And getting myself involved in it, or I can say you know what? It’s going to take me five more minutes to get there. Let me turn on— I got five more minutes to get ready for my presentation or I have five more minutes to think about what I need to buy at the store or I have five more minutes, I can listen to a podcast. And all of a sudden you’re reflecting and you’re becoming, you’re taking your current reality, you’re building in the psychological flexibility and you’re basically now doing something positive in that, right? Or you can just substitute.
Second is a mantra. If something’s bugging you and you keep thinking about it and you keep thinking about it, like this was great for the lady who’s dealing, who is Jewish, that’s dealing with it, but basically a mantra to get— you know, you’ve got these feelings and this anxiety and this angst about her tribe, basically, you have a mantra. Think of a saying, something you can say right inside and what happens you say it over and over again inside and all of a sudden it kind of takes all the neurons and they start focusing on that one thing and it helps you get out of that loop. Okay, that’s the second.
And then the third is the most important, but it takes a while, but certainly something you’re capable of is witness consciousness. Where you simply get to the point where you identify it as we talked about. You feel it all the way through and then you let it go. And as soon as you do that, and accept it, and have gratitude for who we are and what we have, and accept that and stop resisting, we have a tendency to resist because we’re stronger. We’re not going to let this beat us. And that certainly is part of your personality, and that’s why you’ve been successful in business, but it’s not successful in your own life, right? And the whole idea here is to optimize your life around the things that really matter and your health is one of those. So anyway, hopefully that was helpful.
Ali: I think it was helpful to a lot of people. You should read the chat. And of course, always helpful to me. Thank you, Dr. A.
Dr. A: Awesome. You’re welcome. All right. Cool.
Rachel: All right. Next up, we have Denise. Hey, Denise.
Dr. A: You are muted.
Denise: There we go. Zoom 101. This one is a little emotional. I am so excited, what’s next? And on my journey like I was 14 years ago. I feel like I’ve been given a second chance with Trilivy. It’s just like a rebirth kind of thing. I don’t know how to explain it, but I’m part of a coach challenge right now. They want us to post where we’re at. They want us to be raw and real. It’s not a secret that I’ve gained some weight and I need to get it off. And my big goal for that is because I need to care for my husband. And my question is, knowing where we are with that structural tension and I always love the rubber band thing. I love, Dr. A, that you’ve taught that over the years. You know where we’re at, our current reality and where we’re going to go with that goal and vision, but do I necessarily need to put it out on social media or am I intrinsically motivated?
Dr. A: Well, bottom line is you don’t need to do anything you don’t want to do. Okay? You have an inner compass that guides you. It’s different for every one of us and you need to do what you feel comfortable with. You have real… again going back to fear, reality, survival. You have certain situations in your life right now, basically that require you to step up and be the Dominant Force in those as you move forward on your health. The good thing about sharing our health and where we’re going is because basically when you state it, and then we share it with somebody, it improves our level of adherence. Okay? So that’s one thing. But if there are things that are uncomfortable for you, things you don’t want to do, then don’t do them. You don’t need to. Do you. The most important thing is focus on improving your health. That’s the key part. That’s the part that makes the difference. That’s where— that’s keeping the one thing, the one thing, and then the rest [00:37:47 unintelligible]. Bottom line is, if there’s things that you don’t want to share, don’t share. There’s no one that— there’s no police who are going to say, share that or don’t share.
You share what you feel is helpful for you and helpful for others. And as long as those are consonant and there’s coherence, then that’s great. If they’re not, then don’t. You could basically just say my desired outcome is this. I’m currently here and you can report your progression and you should have a mentor that you’re sharing it with and setting your goals with, because, just so you know, to set goals is one thing and that’s good— to adhere to those goals, but as soon as we give them to a mentor, someone that creates accountability for us, that amplifies and improves your chances of success. So, I’m always looking for productivity.
[00:38:50] The word that always comes to mind to me is pursuit. Pursuit means two things. It means you know where you’re going. So, you have your desired outcome, the future you want to create, and then the other part, it’s a verb. And it means you’re going there. Okay, people write, well, these are my goals. But are you doing them? Are you doing the things? You know, the first leadership habit, “Lead in the future, act in the now.” Act in the now is, are you doing things in the present? So the whole idea of goals is to put you in position where you know where you’re going. But the most important part about your goals is as a filter to guide your day because there’s a million distractions between TikTok, the internet, TV, blah blah blah blah blah. There’s a million things that can distract you from going towards your goals. But if you ask yourself multiple times during the day, is this moving me towards my goal? If the answer is no, stop doing it. If the answer’s yes, do more of it.
In fact, I like when people journal and they write down the 10 things they did today and they can take a green marker and a red marker and just a regular marker and basically at the end of the day those 10 things they did, say okay, which one of those are moving me towards my goals? And put a green check mark. Okay, by then if they’re things that move you away from your goals, put a negative red. If they’re neutral, just put a dash, right? But either put a negative if they’re in red, if they’re not moving you towards your goals. And then all of a sudden, the iterative process is you’re starting to raise your standards.
Our identity is how we look at ourselves. Going from an unhealthy to a healthy person is a set of standards that we create and weekly we can increase those standards. I was talking about last night, about Brailles. Bottom line is a 1% incremental improvement in the things that move me toward my goals. That’s why I wrote the Habits of Health. There’s a checklist in there. You can go to habitsofhealth.com. There’s a whole chart that you can look at, the key six MacroHabits, and ask yourself this week, did I move in a positive direction in those six key areas? Did I neutralize or did I actually do things that were negative? If you’re willing to do that, your whole life will change. Does that make sense?
Denise: And you know what? I like the way you said that because I don’t like to just write sentences, but I can write 10 things and a plus or minus or… and I brought my journal with me. I’m in Salt Lake City right now. My grandson’s having his 13th mouth reconstruction surgery in eight years today. And so we’ve got a lot on our plate, but I’ve got my scale. I’ve got my fuelings. I am so dialed in.
Dr. A: Good. Good.
Denise: And but you know me, Dr. A, I’m positive. I feel the feelings, but I think I move through them quickly. I process it and I choose joy.
Dr. A: Yeah.
Denise: It’s not always easy.
Dr. A: Yeah. No. And you have life in the way right now and you have situations, and to be able to power through them. That’s your biggest gift you can give to yourself and to the people around you. You know, I always talk about internal stability and external equilibrium for you to be internally stable, able to move forward and create long-term health creates external stability for all the people you serve. If you allow those things to bother you and you get off track and you’re not doing the things that move you towards your desired outcome, you actually, not only do you suffer, but the people around you suffer as well. So even though you think, well, I could be distracted by these things. No, you’re actually becoming stronger as a result of them. And now you’re helping with external stability for your grandson, for your husband, for the people that are around you. Does that make sense?
Denise: Yes. Yes. I just… I have a hard time admitting I made a mistake. I don’t know if that’s my personality, who I am, past experiences. I don’t choose to dwell in it. I choose to look at that goal and vision and just hunker down and do it.
Dr. A: Yeah. The past has no bearing on the future.
Denise: Boom. Exactly.
Dr. A: All right. Cool. Go get him, girl.
Denise: Love you, Dr. A.
Dr. A: Okay. Byebye.
Rachel: All right. Next up, we have Lauren.
Dr. A: Hey, Lauren.
Rachel: Oh, that’s okay. Britney, you can go and then Lauren. Oh, okay.
Dr. A: Okay. Who’s going?
Chris: Just kidding. Lauren’s up. Lauren’s up. Sorry, new guy. My bad.
Dr. A: You’re muted. Everybody, you have to come off mute. I can’t hear you when you’re when you’re just mouththing.
Lauren: Okay. So I understand feelings and maybe I… after listening to all these conversations, my question was, you know, deciphering between fear and being shy or like when you when I go out into a crowd I’m the wallflower, you know, I my palms start sweating I get like, you know, don’t want to be there, even though that’s where I should be, right? Even, you know, starting coaching right now, it’s like going out and meeting strangers…
Dr. A: Right.
Lauren: …is so hard. And yet, I want to help people so desperately. I’m a nurse and I help people every single day, but in my head, I’m like, “Yeah, but they’re there.” You just show up and they show up. You know, you don’t have to go out and meet them. You don’t have to do all those things. So, I guess how do you get over that fear of going out into the big old world and meeting new people?
Dr. A: That’s a great question. Are you ready for the answer?
Lauren: Just do it?
Dr. A: Okay, here it goes. I’m going to do a surgical dissection here. It’s going to be painful and short. It’s not about you. You’re a nurse. You’re a healer. Your design. You’ve been put in a system that’s broken, reacting to disease. You’re helping people that are sick. Now, you have the opportunity to help people become healthy, but you’re making yourself the most important part of it and what people will think of you. When the reality is on the day you die, if it’s raining, 50% of people aren’t coming to your funeral. Okay? Stop worrying what other people think about you and basically go out there and become part of the solution. Now, here’s the way you do that. You don’t go out there and sell. You’re not, this is not about selling. It’s about being curious and opening up to discussion and creating rapport. Just create rapport, ask questions, and then find the people that basically are interested in getting healthy. You know, I have a classic question, I ask people, if you could choose optimal health, would you make that choice? And most people will go, “I don’t know. I’m 100 pounds….” I said, I’m not saying, do you think you can do it, but if you could create optimal health, would you want to do that? And the answer is yes. So great. We can help you. Let’s get going. I’m keeping it that simple. But that’s the end point. The end point is finding who’s in the looking zone. Who just heard from their doctor they’re pre-diabetic? Who just went to a family reunion, saw the picture, and almost fell over and died. 90% of people have metabolic dysfunction. You can do the metabolic scan on them, and you’ll see they’ll see dysfunctional. 90% of people have some degree of metabolic dysfunction. They need what we’ve got. And 50% of people by the surveys and things we’ve done don’t even know what metabolic dysfunction is.
So bottom line is, you have a great opportunity, but you have to take the emphasis off of you, because bottom line is when you put it on you, about someone saying no or I’m not interested. Bottom line is, think of all the people that you could help that you’re not helping because you are making it about you. And so that’s a limiting fear where specifically you just gave me a great example that is a limiting fear. What’s the worst thing that can happen? They can say no.
Lauren: No. Right.
Dr. A: Right. And then what do you say? “Okay, thank you.” And then you go on and find the next person. There’s so many people that need help right now, and you can help them. And so, you say you’re shy, you’re not shy. That’s a story you’re telling yourself. When you were young, whatever happened is there were things in your life and they didn’t go your way at the prom or whatever. I don’t want to go back into that time, but that’s, those are not real. That’s a story. That’s not your identity. You’re not a shy person. You are simply someone that’s cautious, because previously, you’ve had experiences that didn’t end up the way you wanted them to and so you’re trying to control. That’s the definition of limited fear. Okay? You have fear that’s limiting you which is of no value. Has 0% value and is actually keeping you from being able to go out and do what you do. You train to be a nurse, to help people, and you can help a lot more people by helping them overcome metabolic dysfunction than you ever could taking care of them in the hospital.
Lauren: Agree.
Dr. A: So go do it. Go do it. I don’t want to hear any more about it. Go do it. All right?
Lauren: All right. Thank you.
Dr. A: I want you to come back next month. I want you to come back next month and tell me how many people you helped.
Lauren: I appreciate that clarity on the limited fear. And I didn’t think about what happened to me in that story that I’m telling myself.
Dr. A: Yeah. Yeah. And it doesn’t matter. It doesn’t matter why you’re shy.
Lauren: Right.
Dr. A: What matters now is that you’ve made a decision that you’re going to go out and this is going to become your profession and you’re going to help us change the very health of our country and the world. And you’re going to do that because you’re going to get out of your own way and just be curious, ask lots of questions, meet people, come with the joy that comes from how you can help them. Don’t go out and try to get them.
Lauren: No.
Dr. A: Go out and awaken them to the possibility. And for those that want to go, go. You’re around them every day. Everywhere you look, there’s people that need us.
Lauren: Thank you.
Dr. A: You’re welcome. Awesome.
Rachel: All right. Next up, we have Britney.
Dr. A: There she is. How are you? Are you gonna talk?
Britney: Yeah, they had to give me the option to unmute. I’m really good. It’s nice to see you, Dr. A. And, I feel like you’ve kind of addressed a little bit of some of the questions that I have. So, initially, I was so fearful of telling my story or even talking about myself. I weighed almost 400 lb initially before I came to the program and I successfully lost over 200. And so thank you for that. And so I had this fear of using my voice initially at all. I used to just kind of hide in the shadows. I was a math teacher initially too and I was really smart but I just didn’t want to, you know, like put myself out there. And now I feel like I’m on the opposite side. I feel like I want to share so boldly and so passionately and I feel like there’s a little bit of fear in that too. In that maybe I’m being too much or I am going too hard or… you know… and so I don’t know if that’s that limiting piece, like you were talking about, the two types of fear, and I’m like, okay, so am I in that place? But I also feel like there’s a little bit of push back even maybe from mentorship or coaches, because people relate to my story and they see how bold I am and they see my story and how amazing it is and I just continue to share it over and over and over again and it attracts people and at first I was like, should I apologize?
[00:50:54] Like, do I feel bad about this? That I, you know, sharing in such a way that’s just relatable to other people and, you know, clients or other coaches or commenting or like, you know, saying thank you for sharing so boldly or do I need to pull it back, you know, and let other people, I guess, have the spotlight. I don’t know. And so, I guess I’m just kind of living in this kind of fear right now of— I have this amazing gift, and I want to help people reverse their metabolic disease. I was type two diabetic, high blood pressure, high cholesterol, insulin resistance, PCOS, all of these things, sleep apnea, and I’ve been able to reverse all of it. And now I want to share so boldly with the world, but I just don’t want to take away, I guess, from other people either.
Dr. A: So, well, you know, you have the exact problem the other lady did, but on the opposite side. Don’t worry about what anybody else thinks about you. Okay? If you’re telling me that clients and coaches love it, that you’re acquiring and more and more people are joining you, your business is successful, you’re having a ball, then why would you do anything different?
Britney: I don’t want to. That’s what I’m saying [crosstalk 00:51:59].
Dr. A: And you’re making it about you on the other side. Okay? It’s about what you do. And if you’re full of joy, look at the smile on your face. Heck, I want to do whatever you’re doing. I mean, you know, you’re loving life. You’ve lost 200 pounds. You look great. Didn’t you run a marathon?
Britney: I did, and I’m training for another one.
Dr. A: You lost 200 pounds and you look incredible. So, the bottom line is, keep doing what you’re doing. Okay? And don’t worry, because there’s the other side. The other side is the crabs in the pot— trying to pull the crab back in. Okay? And you’re now soaring. If you look at My Prescription for Life, my new book on the GLP-1s, on whether you should use them or not. If you look, there’s a lady looking at the Ozempic pen. She gets on it and she’s lost some weight and you see then she’s jumping off it. Okay, you’ve jumped off. You’ve dramatically changed. You are a healthy person now. And you’re living in all out joy because of the potentiality of what you’re doing in your life, and you’re sharing it and you become a spokesperson and just love on it, enjoy it and let people decide. If it’s too much for them, they’re going to say no to you, just like the person that didn’t do that, right? But who cares, you’re helping so many people? You’re such a great great story. I would live your life to the— remember, organize your life around what matters most and you are now the Dominant Force in your life. You are living by the two principles that allow you to have freedom and to thrive in your life. You’re going to build an excessively large team over time and you’re going to be able to do whatever you want. You’ll have ultimate freedom and you become a great example for us to look at people that are stuck because of fear. By the way, before you were stuck, right? You were stuck. You were 200 pounds overweight. You weren’t running marathons. You had all these disease states. And now all those things are gone because you have agency. And I’m going to use that word indefinitely. You have agency and now you’re helping other people build agency that they have the power more than they believe to change their health and their life. I mean, you’re a great example of that.
Britney: Well, thank you. I appreciate that. And I’m going to keep living boldly. I just… yeah. Like I’ll keep that, keep everybody else on the outside and I’ll just keep doing what I’m doing because I genuinely enjoy it.
Dr. A: The only thing I would say, just in one area, as you build your business, you’re not necessarily duplicable. You’re like way out there. Make sure you bring people in and make sure they get to be the way they want to be. In other words, as far as sharing and stuff, okay? So that they feel comfortable that you don’t have to be like me to become part of my team and help us change the world. Okay?
Britney: Thank you.
Dr. A: You’re welcome. All right. Cool. All right. We got time for maybe one more.
Rachel: Yes. Our last question is from Jen. Hi, Jen.
Dr. A: Hi, Jen.
Jen: Hi, Dr. A. Good to see you.
Dr. A: Good to see you.
Jen: All right. We’ve talked about this before. I feel like I’m doing a little bit better. But as you know, a couple years ago I witnessed the traumatic accident where a drunk driver, 16-year-old, sped past me on my left and hit the car in front of me which had my oldest and my youngest children in it. And ever since then, you know, whenever a car comes… see, how you even talk about it, here come the emotions. Whenever a car comes up quickly on my left when I’m driving, my body immediately goes into a fear response, and I know intellectually that I’m safe— I mean, we never know what will happen on the road, but I have, because of some of the guidance you’ve already given me, some of the help I’ve already received, I’m doing better. I practice that deep breathing. I talk myself through it. I work to calm my nervous system, but my body still reacts automatically with shaking, tears, you know, and over the last couple of years because of the chronic stress that has affected my cortisol, which has affected my health journey and trying to love myself through that, because my body doesn’t want to release some of the old habits I allowed myself to go back to.
During that time, I wasn’t sleeping. I was depressed. I wasn’t sleeping because I was afraid to go to sleep because of all the nightmares and all the pictures of watching my kids spinning in front of me and all that. So my question in relation to your topic today is, I’m just wondering, how do I retrain an automatic fear response so that my body eventually believes what my mind already knows? I don’t want fear to control my life. And guess what? I drive every day. I feel it every day even though I’m breathing as I get in my car and I know that’s a physiological response but I also know my emotions are all caught up in it. Just wondering, in relation to fear, is there anything that I can do to continue on this journey towards not living in fear. I’m not going to stay at home and not drive.
Dr. A: Right.
Jen: But I feel it still.
Dr. A: No, I get that. So are you getting professional help?
Jen: I’ve had some.
Dr. A: I think… this is a case you’ve got basically your neuron, you have posttraumatic stress— pretty significant. You’re highly educated, knowledgeable. The things that I’m talking about are general but there are all kinds of things including, there’s even psychotherapeutics that can be used to help you move through this, certainly way beyond my skill ability, and so I would highly suggest that you get professional help by someone that can really work with you personally and and there’s a whole bunch of work being done with psychotherapeutics right now to help with people with— including MDMA, and different medications. I mean, I don’t do any of that but the point is you may need some of that therapy in order to get you beyond it and because you’re working at it, and also the great news is you’re so conducive and you get it. You want to move beyond it and you’re knowledgeable about it. I think you have tremendous success. So, I would actually find someone. Get a professional recommendation for someone that’s really good in that area and work with them. I think it’ll really help you and I think you’ll see, I think you’re set up. You’re literally, you’re really in that contemplation, ready to get rid of this in your life. And I think they can help you. But I think you need some deep sessions with them.
Jen: Okay.
Dr. A: All right. So, do that and let me know how it works.
Jen: Okay.
Dr. A: All right.
Jen: Thanks, Dr. A.
Dr. A: So, welcome. Okay. Awesome. Well, we’re out of time. Hopefully this was good. Remember, fear is not your enemy. It’s your ally. Understanding the difference between protecting you and actually limiting you is really important. So, you need to ask yourself multiple times. You’re going to get that icky sauce, that feeling inside of you where something kind of is coming up. You want to stop right then, become fully aware of what that is, why you’re feeling it, and start being invested, like Ali was talking about. Write down what’s going on, what was going on when that happened, and then become curious about it. And then feel those feelings, whether it’s joy or fear or anger or the creative process feeling inside of you that creative, some people call it sexual, I think Jim Dethmer calls it sexual or creative energy, whatever that feeling is, find out what it is and why it might be limiting you and then move through that. You need to go to the mental gym. We all do. The more we do that, the more we get to know we’re more that we’re the observer of our feelings or emotions, the more you free yourselves up to be the things you want to be, and move through that, and then move through the other side of it and build the freedom for yourself and allow yourself to grow to be everything you want to become that Dominant Force in your life. So, God bless you guys. Bye.
